I feel the beginnings of a good idea developing here, but after reading it three times I'm still not quite sure what you are trying to say with this piece. I hear the themes of temporary-ness and cyclical-ness and death, but they're not quite connected enough to make sense.

On the whole, it has a rather choppy effect. If you were going for the choppy, disconnected effect then I congratulate you on your genius. If you were trying to create a surreal atmosphere, then I suggest you work on the flow and rhythm. I would love to hear what you were going for with this piece.